From the recording Learn To Live Again
Despite now having a target for my rage and exasperation, I still felt unhappy and dissatisfied. I had held on to my anger and pride for as long as I could, until there was no escaping the simple truth - The only person in control of my future was me.
Lyrics
i. The Surface Level
What have I become?
Sitting in a glass house
Throwing stones at everyone
I’ve been cynical
Waiting on a miracle
To reconstruct a mind beyond repair
Patience wearing thin
Well beyond the burnout
Only emptiness within
Who can I believe?
How can I achieve perfection?
Am I living in a castle in the air?
Why does it always take so long?
The state of the world has all gone wrong
Dream of a future I can’t see
What if I’m the one who can’t break free?
I’m trying to comprehend
Why I’m acting out the same mistakes again
So I gather my emotions
Lay them out upon the ground
The plan is incomplete
I made too many promises I never meant to keep
Now I’m pulling back the curtain
On the theatre in the round
Well, I never meant to be so cold
But now’s the time to break that mould
Here in the bubble, there’s no chains
There must be something I can rearrange
Running high on intuition
Magnify my inhibition
I thought that my condition was a mission to survive
What if the key to my potential
is an existential guardian inside?
ii. Treading Water
When I look back on the times I lost momentum
The only common thread
Was a failure to adapt to changing currents
Thinking way too far ahead
By following the colours and the details
The bigger picture fades to grey
Telling the stories, but the morals have gone hazy
Soon there’ll be nothing left to say
Treading on the water, drowning in the past
Roaring of the ocean, hope is sinking fast
Spent so long in waiting for the moment
When moments come and go
Wasting minutes in the hope of finding hours
As the workload overflows
Still I overthink instead of taking action
My mistakes become regrets
The waves have pushed me from the shoreline to the iceberg
All I can feel is discontent
I’m a virus in the system, a glitch in the machine
A broken mind behind the eyes
My obsession with perfection has led me to a wall
How can I learn to live again if I’ve never lived before?
iii. The Deep End
Sink a little underneath the skin
All the mystery has disappeared within
Laying all the secrets out
Isolate the fear and doubt
that keeps me paralysed
And causes me to overanalyse
Every choice I’ve ever made
I’ve been bending over backwards but my habits never break
Why should I change my dream
When my self-esteem is at an all-time low
I don’t think I can take another blow
Here at the deep end, I can clearly see
The trick to getting through adversity
The breathing and the balance I achieve
When I ignore that little voice
And try to make a better choice
Now the voice is getting louder
It’s harder to ignore
Every setback I’ve encountered
Only fuels it more and more
But the heavy road keeps winding
And all the backseat driving
Is blinding me from who I really am